Archive for September 19th, 2007

Going Places

I’m leaving Cleveland at the end of the week and sick to my stomach about it right now. The road to my dream career kept me here for a while, but the next stop is Pittsburgh. And the train leaves Sunday after the Browns game. My ticket’s already stamped, and my bags are packed. Make no mistake — I’m very happy with this development. Personally and professionally, this is going to be a fantastic move. There’s just a few things that are starting to get to me.

* * * * *

On the way home from work yesterday, I stopped at the gas station around the corner from my house. The girl who’s been selling me cigarettes for the last four years, Jenny, grabbed three packs when she saw me pull up in the Jeep. She always does that. We chat sometimes when the store’s not busy. She asks about my wife, who sometimes stops in on her way home from work to buy me smokes. She always calls me by name, but I never felt right calling her “Jenny.” I guess I was waiting for her to introduce herself … you know, despite the fact that the badge on her shirt was a dead giveaway.

Her face lit up in a smile and she waved when she saw me get in line, and I practically choked up. By the time I made it to the counter, I knew I had to say something.

“The usual?” she asked, proudly presenting the three blue boxes she’d plucked for me.

“Not this time, Jenny,” I squeaked. “You’d better give me a carton.”

“Are you going on another long road trip?” she asked. “And did you really just call me ‘Jenny?’”

“Yeah, I called you Jenny. It’s what the tag says.”

“Sooo … where ya goin’?”

“I’m moving to Pittsburgh, and I don’t know if I’ll be back.”

“What about your wife? Is she going too?”

“She’s coming. Eventually, I think.”

“Where’re you gonna get your cigarettes?” she asked.

“I dunno. I guess I really haven’t thought about it.”

I paid her and said goodbye. She wished me luck as I made my way to the door.

Thank God I don’t have to do that again.

* * * * *

My 37 year-old friend has an ex that drives him crazy, so he never bothered setting up the voicemail on his cell phone. I’ve been trying to call him since Monday, when I found out for sure that I got this job in Pittsburgh. No answer. I let it ring and ring. Eventually, my phone just beeps at me and flashes a “Call Failed” message.

* * * * *

There’s a bar up the street from my office where I’ve been a regular for the last four years.  My co-workers and I eat lunch there a few days a week, and if we stop for a few beers before heading home, it’s there that we stop.

When the bartenders, Jen and Kim, started recognizing us by name a couple years ago, it reminded me of when I used to tend bar. I have lent them advice on occasion and sought theirs. They’re good. Sometimes, they even take cash out of their tip bucket and buy us drinks.

They did that yesterday. A friend and I stopped for a late lunch and poured ourselves into our stools.

“Say goodbye to Tony!” he announced.

“Why?”

“He’s movin’ to Pittsburgh!”

“Why?”

“Job,” I said.

We ate and knocked down a few beers before paying the tab.

“Hey! Don’t leave yet. We’re gonna buy you guys a round.”

We stayed and had a couple more.

“Okay … I gotta go,” I said. “I gotta start scouting Pittsburgh bars on the internet.”

“You’ll never replace us,” Jen said.

“Nah. Never gonna happen,” I agreed.

“You’re coming back this week?” Kim asked.

“Every day,” I said. “Stock the Miller Lite extra heavy the next few days. I’m gonna need it.”

* * * * *

My friend, Joe, is engaged to a girl about ten years younger than us. I remember meeting her for the first time about a year ago. He introduced her as his fiancee. It was as happy as I’ve ever seen him.

I called him Monday night to tell him how excited I was about this move and my new job.

“Hey, man,” he answered, sounding exhausted.

“What’s wrong, buddy?” I asked. “You sound beat.”

“I am.”

“So, what’s going on with you?”

“I went to Vegas last month.”

“Awesome! I loved it when I went last year! Did you take the girl?”

“Yeah. We had a great time … together-” his voice faltered.

After a moment, he started again.

“We had a great time, but after we got back, she broke up with me. I didn’t talk to her one day. The next day she showed up, gave me the ‘it’s-not-you-it’s-me’ speech and gave me back the ring.”

“Out of the blue? Like that? That’s harsh,” I said, “even for a woman.”

“I dunno,” he said. “I thought things were going pretty well.”

“So she never said anything, huh? Like, you thought she was happy? That’s fucked.”

“Yeah. It’s fucked up,” he said. “It’s been a month, and I still don’t get it.”

“You’re not going to, buddy. Women do shit like this all the time.”

“She won’t even answer my calls.”

I spent a while in this conversation. I tried not to talk too much and just listen. Every once in a while I tried to encourage him with a line from Swingers. Eventually, I started thinking that the Vegas references were probably doing more harm than good.

I never did get to the move and the new job. Ouch.

* * * * *

So yeah. I start Monday morning. I’m not even sure what kind of temporary housing situation I’ll be walking into, let alone where I’ll buy my cigarettes. This is going to get very interesting very soon.

Employers Can Reject New Hires Based On Low Credit Scores Credit History – Consumerist

I can’t help but imagine the sociological importance of this in a city like Cleveland, where everyone is broke and perpetually looking for a better job …
Employers Can Reject New Hires Based On Low Credit Scores Credit History – Consumerist

A friend of ours recently took his Air Force application tests and was told he qualified for every job, except those with Top-Secret classification, because his credit score was too low.It turns out employers can actually legally refuse to hire you if they don’t like the looks of your credit report.

According to a VISA survey released last week, 80% of Americans are unaware of this.

John Berryman – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

John Berryman – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

John Allyn Berryman (originally John Allyn Smith) (October 25, 1914 – January 7, 1972) was an American poet, born in McAlester, Oklahoma. He was a major figure in American poetry in the second half of the 20th century and often considered one of the founders of the Confessional school of poetry. He is one of the figures acting as a bridge between the formally loose, socially aware poetry of the Beats and the personal, grieving poetry of Sylvia Plath. He was the author of The Dream Songs, which are playful, witty, and morbid. Berryman died by suicide in 1972.

Utter Wonder: The Best Perk About Being 5.

Happy belated birthday to Utter Wonder, the best fair-to-middling blog in the universe, from humorist C. Monks, who’s been entertaining, enlightening and freaking-out the likes of Ken Jennings and Star Jones for five years now. Long may he run.

Utter Wonder: The Best Perk About Being 5

You know what the best thing is about my blog being 5-years-old? Not having to be responsible for anything it does. I mean, my blog can pretty much do or say whatever it wants and nobody will care because it’s so young and cute and stuff.

For instance, yesterday my blog called my neighbor a “Motherfucking asshole” and totally got away with it. Sure, my neighbor was at first outraged when I relayed my blog’s message to him. But then he remembered how old my blog was and his anger quickly dissipated.


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Tony’s Tweets

  • Wow! Keith Olberman just skewered Jeff Reed for his alleged attempt to tackle during the kick return that ended up in the only TD of game. 18 hours ago
  • @midmajority Go Flashes!!! http://myloc.me/1vGY3 1 day ago
  • trying to figure out how to work my new favorite word, "ball-fro," into a tweet/status update. Coming up empty ... too much Yuengling Light. 1 day ago
  • chillin' @ The Pine with my dude Bernard and the crew. Gonna make it home early and make momma happy. Farmville here I come!!! 3 days ago
  • wishing a happy 27th b-day to Anne Hathaway and reiterating my previous offer to her for a night out in Pittsburgh, all inclusive. Heheheh. 4 days ago

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