Google Hit Parade

Certainly not an original idea for an entry, but some of the searches that lead surfers to this here weblog can only be described as novel. That, and some are just plain funny. Without further ado, here are some of the past week’s highlights:

don’t remember what i said after being drunk – Sorry to hear about that, friend. Do you at least remember with whom you were conversing? I went drinking with a colleague Monday night, and Tuesday afternoon he related this story:

So this morning I called my wife and started talking about the bar we went to last night. After a couple minutes, she stopped me and was like, ‘Dude, you told me all about it last night when you called at 3 a.m. I’m glad you’re having fun with Tony.’ <<click>>.

Ouch.

gay blog – Yeah, I get it. With all the man-love spread around this weblog, it’s no wonder …

Tony … I’m pregnant, get it?! – Whoaaa! Slow down there, sweetie. I want proof. I’ll pay for the paternity test or whatever, but don’t start your accusations until we know for sure. In the meantime, I’m not sure I even know you, so why not introduce yourself and drop the ‘tude, m-kay?

how to tell your parents you drink - Good question, Sporto! I never told mine … I just started showing up for holidays with a solid buzz on and introduced all my girlfriends over the years as my designated drivers. Generally speaking, I prefer to avoid the subject of drinking in any discussion involving my family. It helps maintain the state of denial we all live in. Why screw it up when we all get along so well?

how many times does tony montana say fuck – A lot. Really. A lot. Way too much.

ten things you shouldn’t say to your parents – Hmm. Interesting. Here are my suggestions:

1- You’re welcome to visit anytime.
2- I’m thinking about getting a tattoo.
3- We met in rehab.
4- Got any weed?
5- I have no secrets.
6- [S/he]‘s a [musician/artist/actor/born-again Christian/etc.].
7- Still got the Valtrex?
8- That dent? It was there before I took the car.
9- Sure, we did that when we were kids.
10- I’m in love.

alcohol mixing rules drunk – Your query reassures me that I did the right thing by posting my drinking advice here. In a nutshell, I advise against mixing different kinds of alcohol. And mixed drinks in general. Choose a beverage and tackle it with gusto!

PITTSBURGHESE .com

Oh, this is going to be fun … As an amateur linguist, the way folks speak has always fascinated me. Now that I’ve caught myself saying some of these things, “eckspecially” the word “dahntahn” … well … yinz can jest see fer yourselfs …

PITTSBURGHESE .com

What is Pittsburghese? It’s the unofficial language of the Steel City. From da Sahside to Sliberty, you can find Picksburghers speaking just like this. Every tahn has its own flavor, and this is just one of ours. So if you are planning to visit Dahntahn or just catch a Stillers game we suggest you learn the language of the ‘Burgh.So quit jaggin’ around already! Click sumpin!

Cornhole (game) – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I’ve known about Cornhole for a long time, but never actually played it until this past summer. Turns out I’m a natural.

Now I have my own “virgin” set and need some ideas for how to personalize it. It’s plain plywood in my garage, but I was thinking about painting the boxes green and putting football gridirons on both, one with a Browns helmet and one with a Steelers helmet.

Any other suggestions?

Cornhole (game) – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Cornhole, Corn Toss, Bags, Bean Bag Toss, Tumor Toss, or Baggo is a game in which players take turns pitching small bags filled with corn (or sand or beans) at a raised platform with a hole in the far end. These platforms are usually plywood sometimes plastic and either all white or decorated with a team name or any other custom creation. A corn bag in the hole scores 3 points,unless . while one on the platform scores 1 point. Play continues until a player reaches the score of 21. The platforms measure 4 ft (1.2 m)×2 ft (0.6 m). The Cornhole platforms are set 30ft from hole to hole while the player can stand anywhere from no further than the back of the platform but not any closer than the front of the platform.

Amanda Beard – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Amanda Beard – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Amanda Ray Beard (born October 29, 1981 in Newport Beach, California) is an American Olympic swimmer and model.

Now I Know Why Michigan Is Blue …

It’s the Buckeye Babes (via Deadspin, I think, via Michiganzone) …

This is too fun to not share.

On a stack of Bibles as tall as I am, I wish I knew in 1987 what I know now. I probably wouldn’t have held onto that stock in Aqua Net nearly as long as I did …

Saxophones Are Gay – blog.whelliston.com

Kyle is on a freakin’ roll today. Shout out to Lou Reed.

Saxophones Are Gay – blog.whelliston.com

You have to be pretty old to remember the glory days of the saxophone, or even want to try. Once upon a time, saxophonists walked on the wild side. The sax was super freaky, oww. You could learn to work the saxophone, and play just what you feel. Because if you didn’t have a sax solo in your rock song, it was an urgent urgent emergency.

Pop in the 80′s was one big saxophone solo. There was “Heart of Rock & Roll,” and every other Huey Lewis song, come to think of it. “Fortress Around Your Heart” by Sting. The red-hot fire-spitting on INXS songs like “What You Need” and “New Sensation” and “Never Tear Us Apart.” David Bowie’s “Blue Jean,” Hall & Oates’ “Maneater,” Duran Duran’s “Rio,” “If You Leave” by OMD, Donna Summer’s “She Works Hard for the Money”, “Living In America” by James Brown, I could go on for hours.

Hiring Unlicensed Contractors = Inviting Devil into Home – Consumerist

From Consumerist:

One of the guys is accused by several homeowners of low-balling bids, which then end shoot up in price over the course of the project. He also takes customer’s money and then never finishes the repairs. The police search his car and find ecstasy hidden in it. The police show off pictures of other contractors who were found to be convicted child molesters, on probation for attempted murder, registered sex offenders, on a state’s 10 most wanted list, and on Megan’s List.

The Red Sox – blog.whelliston.com

Kyle is onto something here. Read the post.

The Red Sox – blog.whelliston.com

The 2007 Boston Red Sox are not a magical team. It is a soulless, grim-faced monster-machine that leaves its victims crushed to death, impressed with deep tank-tracks. This version reminds me of all the reasons I hated the Red Sox growing up, even more so than the Yankees.

The Columbus Dispatch : Book Review | Playing For Pizza: Grisham takes fictional Browns QB to Italy

More details on the new Grisham book. Which keeps sounding better the more I hear about it. From the Dispatch:

The Columbus Dispatch : Book Review | Playing For Pizza: Grisham takes fictional Browns QB to Italy

Former Cleveland Browns quarterbacks Charlie Frye and Rick Dockery can relate: One bad game, and the Browns say bye-bye.Frye was the Browns’ starter going into this season, but a bad first half in a loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers got him dealt to the Seattle Seahawks days later. Dockery was mopping up in the American Football Conference championship game against the Denver Broncos and somehow gave the game away. Next stop for Dockery: the Parma Panthers — in Italy, not Ohio.

What Did You Do During The War? – Gawker

Via Gawker. This is so awesome.

What Did You Do During The War?

A Cincinnati Zoo keeper positions an elephant’s foot over a pumpkin with the face of Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger on it, Thursday, Oct. 25, 2007, at the zoo in Cincinnati.